Once a middle class man "Golu
Golmaal" went to watch a
movie Khajni on
Sunday morning in which a robust hero with six pack abs searches for a
villain called Khajni.
On his six
pack body, it was written -
"This
hero has developed his strong body by going in Dangal gym. Dangal gym, best gym! Revive your body
and revive your mind"
On hero's
chest was written a cell number of the gym. Suddenly a scrolling message
appears on movie screen: "Only use fairtel network for better
connectivity!"
Every five
minutes the hero would get reminder to do different things. Also he would take photographs every 15 minutes because he was suffering from short term memory loss. Suddenly, appeared a message on screen: "Use
only Zanon camera. It helps you to keep your short term memory for longer time!"
After
watching the action packed climax he moved out of the cinema hall, where he was
offered headache-pills by the watchmen.
He hired a Rickshaw. There were at least 3 speed breakers during every kilometre. Rickshaw was jumping and bumping like a lifeline of heart shown in operation theatre. Later, the rickshaw driver switched on tape-recorder.
Golu
thought now he will get to hear some "melodious" music sung by Dipesh Deshmiya.
But instead
it was below:
"Are you tired
of travelling on bumpy roads? your bones got cracked? Use Groove ointment. Available with the
rickshaw wallah in front of you!"
The rickshaw
driver also had a haircut in such a way that the person seated behind could read a
message written on his baldness: "To
have good healthy hair, use Sauratna
oil."
The horns
of different vehicles outside were not normal horns. But, advertises and
commercials were coming out of the horns: "Pee...
Pee...Peeee...Pee re mere bhai
tu Suka Kola pee... Drink it, die healthy!"
There was a
traffic jam ahead. Rickshaw stopped.
Suddenly,
two hands entered in rickshaw in front of Golu.
The voice
behind the hands was saying:
"Saab
Saab.......Traffic Jam? Don't worry! Take our Nishan jaam. Spread it on bread and eat!
Celebrate traffic jam with Nishan jam"
He shoved
away the hands which were of a street ad boy. His mind was jammed due to
excessive bombardment of ads.
After the
jam was over, the rickshaw went to petrol pump. The petrol boy Mahipal Madhav was asking every male rider to remove their shirt
and checking their vests' company to check which company's vests they are
wearing!
He was
saying:
"Are
you wearing Zoopa Frontline vest? If yes, get in front
of the queue or get lost!"
Petrol pump
belonged to Zoopa Frontline industries. Thankfully Golu had
worn it on that day. Finally
Rickshaw drank petrol and went ahead. Golu was
observing different big buildings.
Some were
housing societies, where it was written:
"This
society is built with Bambooja
Cement. Strong cement. People live here are also stronger like the cement.
Don't ever mess up with them."
"Desian
Paint non-cooperative
society. The people living in this society are colourful like the paint. Come let's play
holi"
At a traffic signal, Golu saw the actress Keshwarya's picture
was pasted in which she was drinking Chepsi.
Golu was
observing her carefully as he liked her lips very much. Suddenly, he felt
her lips were moving and she started smiling towards Golu from the
picture.
Golu,
overjoyed, asked her: "Hey, Kaish, how are you? This drink must be too
much healthy, hah! That's why your figure is in shape? Isn't it?"
Keshwarya
slapped Golu:
"Oh,
the people like you! You still believe in such ads? Haven't you seen that the
bottle is closed with a cork? I am not drinking it. I never drink it. I held
the bottle near the lips in such a way that the cork is not visible. Try
to apply your brain. I just do the acting for the sake of money. I never
drink this."
Golu changed the subject and said:
"Ok. Leave it. By the way! I am your big fan. I liked your acting in Jeans after which there was a big sale of jeans
and everyone started wearing jeans."
She smiled
and said: "But, I wear jeans rarely!"
Golu:
"Oh? is it? So much of contradiction lies in you ha! Hey do you all actresses bath using the soap Tux? I also use the same!"
Keshwarya:
"No! I use another home-made soap by my grandma, not Tux. I only do
ads for bucks, I already told you. Only bucks. No Tux. Not only me,
everyone does it for bucks!"
Saying this
she again went back to her original position with un-opened Chepsi bottle at
lips.
Signal
green!
He reached
his building and took lift to his room....
Voice in the lift was saying: "Dhondu balm...
Dhondu balm ... Pain killer Balm. Darling! Stop your headache without being Badnaam! Dhondu balm"
He opened
his room door, went inside and sat on sofa. He took newspaper in hand for the
first time since morning. As soon as he opened it, ten ad pamphlets fell
down.
He tried to
search news in newspaper, but he couldn't find any. All were only ads. No news!
He switched
on the TV. News started. Female newsreader's face occupied whole
screen, especially she was showing her lips prominently.
Then, a
scrolling appeared on screen : "Noreal lipstick is the best
lipstick."
He started
eating paneer-mutter and chapati and next ad came:
"Tomex
toilet cleaner, keeps your toilet clean! We will show you how it does the
cleaning...come with us in the toilet of Mrs. Radhika. Let us take interview of
the toilet germs popularly known as Keetanu.
Hey Keetanu! How do you
feel here? Feel like at home? We are coming here to shoo you away with our
Tomex... "
He could not
eat meal due to toilet cleaner ad at lunch time. Any
ad can appear at any time on any channel. Be prepared for that or change the channel or switch off the TV or sell it on OLX, he thought! But, for time being, he changed the channel quickly...
It was a
cartoon channel: Kids Pangama!
An ad was
running:
"Children,
listen! Never eat unhealthy foods like chapati, green vegetables, parathas. Eat the healthy food like pizza, noodles,
chocos, burger, biscuits, cakes. Don't drink water, it contains germs. Instead drink Chepsi, Kola, Frite, BumsUp"
Then another
ad came of condoms and Wayfree Insecure. Then a program started: Khota Bheem.
Golu
surprised by such ads on kids' TV channels. When he was thinking of some forum
where he could complain about this, suddenly he saw below message
scrolling at the bottom:
"If you have complaint
regarding this channel, keep it to yourself. Because even if you complaint, there are thousand ways known to this channel with which it can escape from consumer court. Better keep off making complaints! Its better for your
health....(smileys)"
Another channel was showing a historical show. A person was beating animals with stick with a message scrolling: "No animal is harmed for this program. No special effects used."
Another channel was showing movie in which a villain was smoking and drinking with a message scrolling: "Don't drink and smoke. Its injurious to health. It can cause cancer. But if you are already addicted to it, contact cancer cure centre. Phone: 11223344"
Suddenly a hero came there and threatened the villain.
Hero said, "See. I am a very simple man. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I will win over you."
But villain shoots hero with pistol. A message appeared: " Use of pistol is illegal. Shooting anyone with pistol is also illegal. You could land in jail or probably be hanged till you die."
One channel called Khooni TV was dedicated to CID investigations. "Kuchh to Gadbad hai daya. Todd do darwaza (Something is wrong Daya! Break the door)"
Golu thought, "One day definitely, all doors in the world will be broken."
Then suddenly, Golu's mobile rang:
Lady:
"Want a loan, Goluji?"
Golu:
"Goluji? By the way how do you know me? Who are you?"
Lady:
"I am miss Melisa from ICQIC bank's force-loan department. I am here to
give you loan! "
Golu:
"I don't need any loan!"
Lady:
"Why no? Regardless of your interest in taking loan, we are giving you
loan with 20% interest!"
Golu:
"No...."
Lady: "Yesss!
By the way, How was the movie?"
Golu
(surprised): "Movie? ... Which movie?"
Lady:
"Khajni..."
Golu:
"H H How do you know that?"
Lady:
"That's the marketing technique, sssir! I am coming to your home to
give you cheque. Be ready with your documents...."
Golu:
"Hey listen! How do u know my address?"
Lady:
"Don't ask that. I know your school, college, friends, girlfriends, bank
accounts, age, weight, hight, all others sizes also, understood? Here I am
coming...."
Line went
dead....!!
Golu cried,
"No..Save me!..."
Golu quickly
finished his meal, switched off the TV and mobile.
To avoid the
loan woman, he fled off and reached to Himalayas where he found thousands of
wholesale ice cream shops also selling hot cakes..
There were many sages who were
selling different medicines, self-help books and they were shouting:
"Buy good thoughts in wholesale
rate! Subscribe to SMS service of life-wisdom only for 500 rupees a month. In
the UK 5 pounds/month , in the US 10 dollars. Hurry up. Offer for limited
period!"
"Come to us unhappy. Leave
happy! Join our happiness course. One month course. Only 5000 Rs.
Happiness Guaranteed. We will solve your problems. We will give you solutions. "
To Golu's
surprise, at the other end there was crowd which included school children,
actors, businessmen, employers, employees, housewives... all came desperately
to find happiness. Probably they wanted freedom from the advertisements? But,
here they could find nothing but the advertisements guaranteeing them happiness...!
A helicopter landed there. The loan woman from ICQIC bank came out of the helicopter...
"Hey, Goluji. We caught you. Now you can't escape our loan. You have to take loan from us. Even though you switched off your mobile, we have tracked you through our special satellite bank tracking system."
Golu jumped off Himalayas to escape her!!
While he was yet falling down and trying to find a cavern to land, two para-gliders came to him flying and catched him easily.
One para-glider said, "Hey! We can not let you die. You owe us home loan. Your lots of EMIs are due!"
Another para-glider said, "Hey! I am from an insurance company. Life ke saath bhi, Life ke baad bhi. If you want, you can jump happily. I will be there with you after your death also!... to collect premium..."
Golu said, "I am not dying. I was just trying to escape the force-loan woman."
(Dear reader! Thanks for reading. Your comments and suggestions are always welcome. Kindly leave your comment below and if you like this post, please recommend others to read it. Waiting for your comments!- sonar.nimish@gmail.com)
